Well my blogging regularity has been less than stellar by all means, but I’m trying not to be real hard on myself over it. ** Note to self ** ~ roll with the punches!
So what’s new and exciting? Lets see – I had the tilt table test last week (this is with regard to the being dizzy and passing out like crazy). The test was a success in that I had an “episode” all on my own during the test and my BP dropped 40 points both top and bottom within 60 seconds, I didn’t require the second part of the test where they give you medication. For me the “good news” is at least it showed what’s wrong, and so when I follow up with the neurologist we will be able to deal with that. I think that the two years it took for me to get a proper stomach diagnosis made me very weary of having anything going on without an answer, so I’m actually grateful that this test showed something. Once again – not technically crazy #gome!
Tomorrow I’m having surgery – ha ha – I know right ME, SURGERY no wayyyyy! Some days I feel like I should have my name on a plaque in an operating room – eeshhh. Again though I’m kind of glad this is getting done, I’m having a total hysterectomy tomorrow. The cancer gyn specialist is doing it, and she’s going to try to do it with the robotic arms so that I only have to stay over one night, and it’s much less invasive. If she runs into trouble with scar tissue or anything then she may have to switch to open – but I won’t know until I wake up anyways so – fingers crossed.
I’ve had so much going on these past couple of months that I’m really thankful that these “two items” are kind of getting checked off the list. No they are not “over” yet, but in each case we know what’s going on and we have a plan through to a completion and/or management so it’s not like they are going to remain cumbersome mysteries. I like checking things off lists (no OCD here), so though it’s still a mile to the finish line I’m feeling pretty good about everything.
The stomach and bowels – well they are what they are – in a holding pattern right now because they don’t want to start the biofeedback and the pelvic physical therapy until AFTER the healing is done from the hysterectomy – so a couple more weeks and then we can get THAT show on the road. Been doing a lot of introspective stuff lately regarding all of this, thinking about “my life” five years ago, and then 2 years ago next month is when I attempted suicide and IDK, overall I think I’m in a pretty good place. I’m definitely not struggling with depression, and that is a WONDERFUL feeling. Bad days yeah of course, some days are rougher than others physically (and therefore mentally), but at no point have I felt like this is a waste or that I should give up. That’s a HUGE hurdle to be over and gosh I’m so glad. I’m also aware that this could change at any given moment, but right now I’m feeling content/motivated and like there’s a reason for my presence in this world!
Yeah so that’s my story – hopefully once I get through this surgery things will balance out again for a while. That would be nice, can’t wait to enjoy a little summer! Surgery – lol, this is literally #23 and I’m going to be 46 this year…I’ve averaged one surgery every 2 years over my lifetime – eeshhhhhhh! Hoping you all are doing well and I’ll talk to you soon, thanks for your messages and encouragement – ya’ll rock!