I recently was telling someone about “how my condition ‘works'”, and it occurs to me that my last “Big Episode” was May into June when I spent four weeks in the hospital. Have I been sick since then? Oh YES absolutely I have, I’ve had days in bed, I’ve vomited I’ve battled nausea and I’ve been miserable. However I have NOT been miserable for a long enough period of time to warrant my going to the emergency room for i.v. medication, or to be admitted to the hospital and THAT for me means I’ve been “doing well”.
If my vomiting is contained to a day or two and I’m able to get through it without requiring medical attention – that really is me doing good. I hate that there is no ‘rhyme or reason’ to the good days and the bad days with gastroparesis. I can eat the exact same menu five days in a row and for the first 3 days be FINE, and that 4th and 5th day can have me flat on my back begging for mercy from my guts. Sure there are things I do to TRY to help myself, exercise, water, types of food, not eating when I know I’m not doing great – all kinds of tricks.
At the end of the day though when your stomach decides it’s a “bad day” that’s it = it’s a bad day. So after having this conversation the other day I find myself looking at the calendar – calculating how many iffy days I’ve had since June when I finally came out of the hospital and I find myself dreading the fact that if history is an indicator it’s likely that I’m going to have a sick period very soon – I’m about due and a little overdue for one. I did start to have trouble the day before Thanksgiving – so I’ve been trying to be extra careful but the reality is that when my guts say WE DECLARE WAR it’s on and there’s not much I can do about it.
I can just HOPE that I continue to just have my “bad days” here and there…and that I won’t get sick enough to require the hospital but…only time will tell. The point of this blog is that it kind of stinks constantly living in fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop, or the stomach to go on strike as it were…just having a pity party moment…okay I”m over myself now…thanks for listening!