Tuesday 10/6/2015 ~ Two Months Clean

    So my last cigarette was on August 1st 2015 – I started smoking at 13 years old and though I quit once or twice in between for short periods of time, I consider myself a smoker for all of that time.  So almost 32 years of smoking ~ 32 years seems like it went by in the blink of an eye, some days this last two months feels like FOREEVVVERRRRR lol.

     Honestly though for the most part it hasn’t been real traumatic for me and I’m so glad of that!  So I was thinking about the monetary part of that and granted they were not ten dollars a pack for the whole 32 years, but by all means never cheap – so if I use $ 6.50 a pack average cost to even out the years it was only $4.00 and the packs I stole from my parents when I was a kid….at a pack a day I’m still looking at about $ 75,000 dollars.

SERIOUSLY – SEVENTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS WASTED – URGH – well that’s depressing isn’t it?  Yeah it is but alas what can I do but move forward and not waste anymore.  It makes me think of the monetary aspect of addiction though – it’s amazing how we (addicts all of us whether we are addicted to food, drugs, sex or cigarettes) will rationalize our allotment of funds, and how we will FIND the money to “get our high”.  NYSEG might be two months behind but that dealer – he’s getting paid!!!

I can say that because it’s not a judgment – it’s a fact of life that I’ve lived, and jesus it’s embarrassing to be so flawed.  However, there it is – black and white – own it and move forward – I LITERALLY wasted NO LESS than $ 75,000 in my life on a single addiction – cigarettes.  Funny point to this story is that I really have not wanted to smoke much, and really am starting to appreciate how god awful it smells but sitting here writing this thinking about them makes me want one – urgh.

I won’t have one, I’m not giving up the two months under my belt – but the struggle is real.  What made me think of this whole thing is the internet meme that’s been running around to the effect of “I don’t understand how people can feed their drug addiction, I can barely afford a burrito!” – so very true – addiction is a POWERFULLLLLLL thing isn’t it?  What I find particularly amusing is how one addict will judge another – someone who just smokes cigarettes will be the first to say “OMG, I just don’t UNDERSTAND” about say a Heroin addict; and they’ll say that as they are spending their allotted $300 for the month on cigarettes….hmmmmm hello POT lol.  Ah well – just some thoughts for the day – have a good one – Happy Hump Day tomorrow, much love!

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