So in one week I’m going to be 45-years old – argh. It’s funny actually I remember when I turned 30 I had a complete meltdown, I was not “in my twenties” anymore and I found that to be just pure devastation to my mind. HA – if I only knew! I was thinking about this whole turning 45 thing the other day – I was filling out some form or another and there was that whole age selection bracket thingie and there was a 39-44 group then a 45-50 group and I was like ACCCKKKK let me fill this out quick while I’m still in the 39-44 bracket. So once again I’m at a “milestone” for me that is, or in the way I view it that my entire “age bracket” selection is once again going to be challenged and something I have to THINK about my response to ~ shoot me already. Like the AARP mailings I’ve been getting for last ten years are not reminder enough that I’m on the downhill slope of this wild ride called life.
I’ve recently had conversations with two friends, both older than myself ~ in which they were (for their own respective reasons) discussing THEIR mortality and quite frankly it bothered (bothers) me to hear them talk about. Not in an ANGRY sort of way, but it makes me uncomfortable and it makes my heart sad because they are both people I love DEARLY and well ~ I just don’t care to think about life without them. However, it’s somehow different when I think about or talk about my own mortality; it does not impact my emotions the same way. I’m bothered for a quick moment but then the realist in me kicks in and I’m like “aye, it is what it is” and I guess at the end of the day when my mortality becomes an issue I kind of feel like I’mma be dead anyways so what difference to me.
My own personal thoughts lately have leaned more towards the what’s going on while I’m still here though. How I choose to live, especially given the circumstances of my illness and the “hand” I’ve been dealt in life. I gotta say that here that I’m not complaining about “my hand”. Does my stomach trouble suck – yep it sure does it sucks big monkey dong ~ hate it ~ HOWEVER that being said my old standby “perspective” keeps me in check. Who’s not going to wake up tomorrow? Who’s sleeping in the street tonight, with their CHILD? Who’s child passed away from a drug overdose today? Who got hit by a drunk driver today and will never walk again? Who’s son/daughter is in the service and died serving this country today (at 19, or 22, or 24 years old) and will never come home again? How many mothers gave birth to a stillborn child today? How many people are LITERALLY hungry right now ~ not because they don’t “want or care for” what’s in the fridge but because they LITERALLY don’t have a morsel of food to eat?
I realize if you read my blogs often you hear about perspective a great deal, and I apologize for that. It’s not directed at YOU at the reader but honestly at MY OWN SELF to REMIND me anytime I want to have a pity party to suck it up and get a freaking grip on the REALITIES of the suffering in this world today and APPRECIATE my blessings – because I happen to have many!
So as I remember all those things I think I’m going to concentrate NOT on the “downside” of turning 45 next week – but on making this last week at 44 my best week of being 44, and bring in 45 with a smile and a gratitude for my life ~ a life that is in fact a gift! I was having a rough couple days being sick recently and a good friend sent me an opening line from a book that she uses to help her stay grounded, and the day she sent it…well it way a day I really needed it – so thank you my friend 3> and I hope you don’t mind my sharing:
“The Purpose Driven Life” It opens with the statement “It’s not about you.”
and she then went on to say that she clings to the fact that God created me for him and his purposes, not for my own comfort and happiness ~ and that when you remember that the irony is that you so often FIND comfort and happiness. Really it’s not “all about me” and the parts that are “about me” I’m very grateful for – what a blessed life I’ve had thus far ~ cheers to my last week at 44! Much love, thanks for stopping by, see u next time! Hey ***OH P.S. – TODAY IS 2-MONTHS OF NO SMOKING*** GOOOOO ME! 🙂