Tuesday 7/28/2015 ~ Frustration

Frustration is the the name of the game right now ~ grrrrr.  So I had an appointment with the surgeon to be evaluated for the gastric pacemaker on 7/23.  That appointment had to be changed to 8/13 because of the amount of medical records that are needed prior to the first visit, and trying to get everything to them.  Finallyyyyy got them everything they “needed”, only to get an e-mail on Friday that it’s still not enough.  Now before I can see him I have to have my 4-hour emptying study done again, as well as another Cat-Scan Abd/Pelvis with contrast and 2mm CUT.  Sooooo I’m guessing at this point that by the time I can actually get those things scheduled and done that my “first appointment” with him will have to be delayed again.  They have also requested more parts of my medical records that they did not originally ask for.

Now granted, YES it’s like a 2 1/2-3 hour ride to see him (depending on traffic) so I WANT to have everything done and in place prior to going there.  On an intellectual level I understand that and accept it completely.  On an emotional level though, frustration is coming to bear in the worst way.  My emotional side is like REALLY REALLY?  How many days do I have to spend vomiting, how many nights in the hospital make me “sick enough”, at WHAT POINT do you just get HELP and not a run around anymore.  It’s frustrating and it really makes you want to just say forget it I’ll die like this!

No I’m not going to “give up”, and though I MAY die “like this” someday ~ it won’t be any day soon (god willing) NOR will be from lack of trying on my part.  However, it really sucks that dealing with chronic illness is like a full time job.  It’s 24/7 on the most horrible days, then to add all of these hoops and stresses on TOP of it all just in the name of “finding help” is indeed frustrating.  I really do understand how people get frustrated enough to give up, it’s daunting at it’s BEST.  

So currently I am leafing through 3000 pages of medical records in my possession trying to find the actual o.r. reports from both my original RNY and my reversal, while waiting on my G.I. doctors office to get back to me about scheduling another emptying study and Cat-Scan.  I have not yet rescheduled the appointment on the 13th, in the hopes that maybe these things will all be done in time ~ but based on the track record so far I think it’s unlikely.  I’m going to jump through the hoops and do what needs to be done but just GRRRRRRR & ARRGGHHHH is how I feel right now.

Stay tuned….lol


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