So the part two to my comfort zone saga is that I plan to move this coming spring from New York back to Florida. Big move, and most certainly a challenge to the “comfort zone” ~ so why do it? Well lots of reasons actually. I’m a “think things through” kind of person, and I do the pros/cons etc., and on this subject there is about 20 items on the PRO MOVE side and only one item on the CON side. The only con for me is some of the people that I will leave behind who mean the world to me. That’s in fact a big con, and being the type that does not deal well with emotions it’s a very difficult con.
Then there is the Pro side, and that side is so easy to populate. Lets see, New York is expensive, and the farther south you go (as we all know) the cheaper the living. Normally there is also a direct correlation between that decrease in cost of living and decrease in income, however being on disability this one is a no-brainer. I don’t know if in fact I’ll ever be able to work again, there are so many variables which I have no control over and which I cannot predict. Will I qualify medically for a gastric pacemaker, will insurance approve it, will it work ~ will I ever be able to be a RELIABLE employee again? I’ve no idea, and so I have to deal with things as they are today, and TODAY my disability income will be a good deal easier to survive on in Fl. vs. NY. That is a really big pro. Other pro’s, I hate living in the woods ~ I don’t want to return to NYC living again by any means but I’d really like the closest nightlife or shopping center to be a little closer than 45-minutes in any direction. I miss having “civilization” nearby, and have for a long time. I hate winter, I hate the cold, I hate the snow the ice all of it ~ I have zero tolerance for the winter and have been “waiting to move” back to warmer climates since I left Fl. 20 years ago.
Lastly ~ and possibly most importantly is my son. Short version is he had a very bad drug problem, which landed him in prison for a time. He will come home soon and if he stays in this area the likelihood that he will remain sober is seriously diminished. Yes it’s the responsibility of the addict to change people places and things, but there is such a limited selection of those things around this area that it’s quite difficult to “do something different”. Granted, intellectually I realize that if someone wants to find drugs it doesn’t matter if the move ten thousand miles from home they will find them, I get that. I also understand though that if the opportunity to make other choices is so severely limited by your physical location that the chances of remaining sober are far less. He’s 21, and he needs to have other choices, other opportunities in order to be successful in his sobriety; and he wants to go too. He understands the concept and he’s excited about having a new chance in different place, and he currently has 2-years sober behind him ~ given his willingness to change, his sobriety so far, his motivation to change and his age I think he has a chance. I guess every mother hopes their child has a chance, but by nature I’m a realist and if I really thought he had zero chance I’d deal with it.
So how does all of this relate to my “comfort zone” well in a big way. My illness took away almost everything that I identified with in life that defined me, it seriously made me reevaluate EVERYTHING. Not necessarily a bad thing (I can say that now), but at the end of the day the only thing I was left with was in fact THE PEOPLE in my life. The handful of people that stood by through it all and never let me down, and I learned a new respect and appreciation for them and what having them means to me. So when you think about it ~ although my PRO list is super full and long and logically makes ALL the sense in the world, the con list (as short as it is) is daunting. The “people”, the people I love and who have been there for me are the ONLY thing that I had left when chronic illness got done devastating my life, I literally lost everything else. So now the thought of giving those people up, is terrifying to be completely honest with you. However I simply cannot look at the list of benefits and allow that fear to stop me. I guess every decision in life carries with it both the possibility of risk and reward, and every challenge to your comfort zone has to be a little uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable, and nervous…sad about those I’m going to miss time with – and excited about what the future could hold (particularly for my son). So pressing forward, working on the plan of things that need to be done before the move and setting things into action….trying to remember that life does in fact begin outside of your comfort zone. Scared but pressing forward….