I must admit I am cautiously optimistic and very nervous at the current time. As most of you know for some time now the doctors have told me that the only option left for me was/is a gastric pacemaker. I’ve not gotten there yet though because through various insurance changes, and the sheer lack of doctors/surgeons who actually DEAL with and perform gastric pacing it has remained something that was really unattainable for me. Honestly, at on point when I was maintaining “pretty good” on my own, and after hearing a ton of horror stories of pacemakers gone wrong, I really didn’t even WANT to go for that step anymore.
Then I started doing poorly again, and after spending the first entire month of my summer laying in a hospital bed barfing, losing 45 pounds and feeling like my body was quitting again – well I guess I reconsidered. If the success rate of the pacemaker is 60%, that is 60% more chance of something good than what I’ve been dealing with lately. Lo and behold during my hospitalization one of the covering doctors said to me on her daily rounds, “you know hun, you really do need to get a pacemaker ~ there is nothing more we can do for you and you are going to suffer like this forever”. Well I started crying and explained to her that there’s no one around here who DOES pacing, and my insurance sucks etc. etc. She said hold on a minute and she proceeded to pick up her phone and call a doctor in Brooklyn on HIS cell (a surgeon that she had worked with in Brooklyn) and asked him if he was still doing pacing.
Well it turns out he IS with an resounding YES and this week I finally got the balls to pick up the phone to inquire about the program. After reviewing my medical history with his staff turns out I’m a good candidate for the program and they are happy to see me and try to get me approved. I’m going to Brooklyn Hospital on July 23rd to meet with him about getting a gastric pacemaker approved by my insurance, which he happens to participate in. WOW is all I can say. I’m scared, I’m happy, I’m cautious, I’m nervous, I’m scared, I’m hopeful and did I mention I’m scared. What if I’m in the 40% of people it doesn’t work for, what if it malfunctions and shocks me, or the placement doesn’t work, or what if it just doesn’t work. Yep, I’m really nervous. I’m also really hopeful, what if I’m in the percentage that it DOES work for? Literally this could change my entire life all over again, it could give me my life back.
Yeah safe to say I’m a jumbled bundle of nerves, whoo hoo. Funny when I was on the phone today making the actual appointment and kind of going over everything she says – ” just be prepared, it sometimes takes insurance up to 30-days to approve these” and I’m thinking a MONTH a lousy month?!?!?!?! Seriously lady I’ve been living in hell for 4 and a half years at this point what is a MONTH to me, it’s NOTHING!
So here’s to embarking on the next chapter of my journey, all prayers for it being a positive successful one are gladly accepted and appreciated!