Saturday 5/9/2015 ~ Paying it Forward

     Recently I’ve had some engagement with someone where I was able to do them a favor, and they absolutely drove me nuts with their “need” to repay me.  One of the “side effects” of being so sick and dealing with chronic issues is the sense of loss of purpose in life.  When you go from being a functioning member of society to struggling some days to get out of bed ~ it’s really easy to begin to wonder why the hell you are still alive.  Those thoughts lead to depression and a whole path that is an ugly one.

     So for ME personally it’s really a great boost to my own mental health to actually feel that I “have something to offer” someone, it quite literally gives me a sense of purpose for being alive.  Prior to my current situation, I already did believe in the “pay it forward’ concept, but my illness has brought that ideal to new heights for me.

My reality is that I have been SUPER blessed with some amazing people over the years in my life.  I’m not going to “list them” simply because I’d be fearful of omitting anyone by accident and causing hurt feelings.  Suffice to say though, really…I have been awfully blessed through knowing some top notch people who have mentored me and helped me throughout the years.  So if I am not able to “pay those people back” directly, then isn’t it my duty as a human being to at least forward that kindness that I’ve been shown onto others in whatever way I can?

It’s pretty ironic that anyone who knows me personally knows that I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist, but I am in fact very MUCH a “realist”.  I’m very black and white, “it it what is is” was my motto LONGGG before it became a popular social media meme.  That being acknowledged though ~ it isn’t like I don’t have a heart.  I feel very deeply and it’s a GOOD feeling to be able to do bring something positive to someone’s life – and that feeling is doubled and tripled when you HAVE gone through all the emotions of feeling useless, like you simply have more reason to be on this earth anymore.

This blog is not particularly epic in that I don’t have a big controversial opinion about the subject, but the point here was just to serve a a reminder.  A reminder that you should appreciate the kindness and love shown to you in your life, and a reminder to take every opportunity to pay that kindness forward in “whatever” way you can.  A reminder that we are all (hopefully) in receipt of that kindness at some point in our own lives, and there is something to be said for accepting it with grace and without a ton of questioning.  You may not feel you are “equally” paying me, but you have no idea the gift you give me when you helped me to find a purpose ~ and you also have no idea the gratitude I feel towards those who have helped me that I am unable to repay.  So my thought for today is a positive one.  If someone makes your life better, thank them and appreciate it.  If you have the opportunity to make someone else’s life better, seize that opportunity and you might be amazed at just how good it feels!


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